I have been longing to support you during this devastating time since it began. However, I have not had electricity—and therefore no internet or cell service—since January 7. Not even gas, and the cascade of consequences that come with it. I am typing this message offline, so please excuse any typos; English is not my first language. But the message is too crucial and urgently needed to wait. I trust that you will receive what you need from this.

When I was about 6 years old, I accidentally stepped on a tiny sewing needle and the tip of it broke into my foot. My mom tried to take it out with a tweezer, she tried to squeeze it out, shake it out, but nothing worked.

 FEAR, SHAME, ANGER. How to drop it all, once and for all!  

I was on my hands and knees on my living room floor, uncontrollably shaking to my bones and sobbing. I felt terror and hopelessness but mostly I felt so alone in this world. It was suddenly dark outside and I noticed that I have been crying for nine straight hours. I paused and wondered if that was a normal reaction, what is normal in a situation like this? Was this my PTSD, is a past trauma being triggered by the sound of violence and rage?